My nebuliser was disgusting. Horrible stuff that tasted foul. I have to have it once a month for the next six months. I am put into a small room and shut inside with a "giving-machine" strapped to my mouth. It bubbles and smokes as I breath in and hold for 2 seconds before breathing out. This process lasts for half and hour. A bitter taste that sinks down into my throat. I long to pull it out of my mouth and breath properly. Instead I just imagine I am enjoying an opium-pipe. I did many many years ago while I was trekking in the hills of Thai Burmese border. I stayed with a family of Karen tribes people for a couple of nights. One of the village elders gave me a pipe to smoke. I remember writing in my diary, "tonight I touched the moon"... Well, this afternoon I was no-where near the moon. Feet unfortunately firmly planted on the blue linoleum floor. The stuff is so toxic that even the nurses are not allowed into the room while I am inhaling it. When it is over, I come out with a mask strapped to my face so that I don't breath over the other patients in the HOP clinic. My chest is tight and I am inhaling fast. I have to have two sets of obs. before they will let me go. Luigi and I finally get a taxi and home in time for tea (crumpets). 4 hours of clinic. Not so bad today. Normally its a five or six hour stint.
Now I am waiting for snow. I love waiting for snow. I love even more watching big fat flakes spin out of the steel grey sky and silently carpet everywhere in white. Always fills me with a sense of child-like wonder. My sister Jackie sent me a bird feeder for my birthday. Perfect timing. Tomorrow we will fit it up and fill it with delicious nuts and fat-balls. I will have to write a sign: Squirrels Keep Off.
Keep warm everyone. No slipping on ice. Back soon. tch x
5 comments:
Hi Tessa I Never did like the see saw and the nebuliser sounds awful but just keep imagining that opium pipe! It's snowing here now(at home with my three)and starting to look pretty, the birds need all the help they can get so I hope you manage to put the table up and I look forward to seeing a drawing of it in the snow:)
Keep trying to balance,
love and hugs from us all xxx
Brilliant news that the levels have gone up again - I never did like a see saw either! Nebuliser sounds grim - keep dreaming about those Thai Burmese hills.....
Snow here as everywhere today I think - Arian and I tucked up looking out at the spectacle.
Home you have the bird feeder in place what a great present...
love and hugs as usual Jules xx
Hi Tessa so pleased that you are 'out', I fact completely amazed that you are home, must be great, keep up the good work, love P
Hi Tessa, you don't know me but I bought one of your gorgeous prints of Venice at your studio a few years ago. My daughter Helen is married to Grant (Wayne's brother, now living in Paris with baby Fred) I just wanted to say that your blog is inspiring; I know exactly where you're coming from as my elder daughter Katie contracted CML aged 28 and after initial drug treatment finally found a bone marrow donor. She had a full bone marrow transplant and in spite of being very ill for 2 years post treatment she is now alive and well (8 years post transplant) A colleague of mine also contracted AML at around 50 yrs of age. She had a mini transplant which, reading your blog, I think is the same treatment you have undergone. She had her's at King's College Denmark Hill. After her first infusion of cells she picked up very well but then needed a further infusion to kill off any residual AML cells. I'm very pleased to say that she is in very fine fettle now 11 years post transplant. I remember her describing how horrid the nebuliser was. I can fully understand how disappointing it is when blood tests show drops in neutrophyls etc. I used to accompany Katie to all her appointments and for years we lived from blood test result to blood test result. It's a very challenging time but I know that so much has been learned recently regarding the treatment of AML and CML and I'm sure you have full faith in your haemotologists (they walk on water as far as I'm concerned!)I know that you'll pull through but also know that the treatment is horrible but necessary. I wish you all the very best of luck and much fortitude in the weeks and months ahead. Keep paying in to your pension. You'll need it! with best wishes from Anita McEwen
They closed college at 4pm on Friday – softies! The trains were running and my drive home was virtually perfect driving conditions – can't wait for more 'severe' weather. My Canadian and Russian students looked on bemused. At least i got home a little earlier and had macaroni cheese with mushrooms, chips and frizzled bacon bits. Comfort food of the highest order!
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