LIFE IN LIMBO

Dear All,

My unexpected free days are speeding by. Its quite a weird thing. Last Thursday I was geared up to be dressed in leopard-spot pyjamas and full of chemo.  But instead found  myself speeding down the M20 towards the sea. Walking on Camber sands. Low tide and low silver light. Watching 3 grey wippets tearing across the beach. Lean machines. Hurling themselves at each other and yelping wildly at the cold salt air. Dusk arriving as we left. Home to Iden. Fred stokes the fire and Audrey makes a Yorkshire brew. My oldest friends. I sink into the deep sofa and feel safe, surrounded by everything I have known for so long. Walls choc-a-bloc with paintings. Hundreds of art books to dip in and out of.  Drawn curtains stop the night from creeping in. This is better than the transplant ward.

The previous weekend Tony cooked a wonderful lunch for 16 of us. And Naomi made a pudding-to-die-for (not literally I hope).  Was great to see so many good friends round the table. Lots of prosecco and a crescendo of voices. Thanks T for your moving "bon voyage" speech (despite the delay). I almost got tearful - but just managed to hold onto them all.

So my list of extra "things to do" is getting ticked off daily: tomorrow is Skyfall at Brixton and Wednesday Luigi and I will go to the Royal Academy and see the Bronze exhibition.  He goes back to Venice for a few days next week, while I will catch a train to Taunton and spend a couple of days in Watchet. Time to breath in some Exmoor air and maybe see a stag or two wandering over the winter hills.  Work in the studio also goes on regularly.  I now have orders to complete.  My appetite is back with a vengeance. Pounds are piling on. Which is good news as it means I will have stuff to loose. I am fit and feeling healthy apart from lots of aching bones and sore joints.  My hair is starting to grow back (albeit minimally) but I am told it will all fall out again when I have the Total Body Irradiation. So theres something to look forward to...

Unsurprisingly, not much further news from Kings. Or nothing particularly good at least. I was told last week that the mother of the baby whose cords I will be getting, has rheumatoid arthritis. So this means an outside chance that it could be passed onto me via the new immune system. Ah, my straw gets shorter by the week!  Last friday I was told that funding approval has been given and I was led to believe that today (monday) the cords are being ordered from America. But I have not signed a consent form.  And from what I have been told previously, cords cannot be ordered until consent forms are signed.  I sent an email today to remind them, but have had no reply.  The administration system is just appalling.  Their laissez-faire attitude continues to amaze me.  I have a sneaky feeling that there are still more hurdles to jump before I finally start.  I am really fed up and cross with the whole situation. But being fed up and cross is actually much more positive than being anxious and stressed.  I want to get on, get in and get out and get back to my life as soon as I can.  This strange limbo-time feels somehow rather unreal.  I know I should be in hospital right now, but instead I am still kicking about outside. Least I am kicking about productively, but I hope not to my detriment...

Thanks to you all for keeping up with me. Your messages of support always do my spirits a lot of good. Great to hear from the crew at LCC - appreciate you all still following this journey! Greetings as usual around the globe and a special hallo to Letterkenny.

Back soon tch x

Camber dusk