WHEELS ENGAGING

Hi All,

Using my extra hour to update blog...

Since I last wrote, autumn has really dug in and started to shift the landscape. Dank foggy mornings hover over Forest Hill.  Leaves clog the pavements making them horribly slippery. Wild winds. Deeper darker night skies. White-ice moon. Temperature has dropped which has meant the central heating has been turned on and up (hell, expensive too!) and I am hunting out thick woolie stuff to wear. My head gets very cold, but thanks my sister-in-law, Cindy, I have a range of warm cashmere beanies. Much as I try though, I can't seem to carry off beanie-head-gear like David Beckham...

So, the wheels have finally started to turn and the early stage of transplant process has begun. Yesterday (yes, saturday!) was the start of my body work up. All major organs must be in good working order to cope with the ferocity of chemo and radiation. I was at Kings for an ultra sound on my heart.  No results immediately forth coming from this test, which is a bit disconcerting. "Pictures are poor quality" the nurse says. "I have to analyse them carefully and send a report back to your consultant - sorry I cant tell you more".  Me too.  I hope previous chemo treatment has not effected my heart function too badly.  Blimey and Puff.

Tomorrow at 9.30am is a Lung Function Test (that should be interesting, as despite loud - and pretty constant - voice, I have a low "blow"capacity according to my GP), followed by some Kidney tests, which will involve some kind of radiation injection and hours of hanging around.  More blood tests too.  More puffing.  I hope to be home in time for tea.  Crumpets.  Over the next two weeks I have so many tests and appointments for this that and the bloody other, that I have had to lay out all my letters from the hospital in a long line on the kitchen table - with dates highlighted in green florescent marker pen - just so that I don't forget.  Chemo head and all that.  November 14th is the day I am admitted and also get my Hickman Line inserted.  3 lumens!  Again, blimey and puff.  Something seriously sci-fi about having all these plastic pipes bursting out of my chest. Dates seem to shift constantly but I have been told that chemo now starts on 15th - radiotherapy a few days later, and transplant on 22nd.  We shall see.

I have managed to stop stressing about the treatment pretty much. There are still some hard days when everything feels pretty damn bleak.  But it really is a matter of "che sarà sarà" and I will have to cope with it the best I can, as and when.  I have imagined plenty of nightmare scenarios which only succeed in putting me into panic mode.  The trick of course, is to immerse myself into everyday, this has enabled me to shut most of it off.  Lots of hard work in the studio to complete Periodic Tables and Multiplications a-plenty!  Big thanks Lulu and George for all your hard work and commitment - I could not have gotten to the finish line without you guys sorting, stamping and badging.  What a hive of activity we have been.  Lets hope Affordable Art Fair manages to shift a couple of prints.  Wendy too, thanks for giving up precious free time to come and weed, cut, throw and sweep -  the garden now sorted and ready for winter, with daffodils planted to herald in spring.  I miss Lilly hugely. Sometimes, for a fraction of a second I forget she is gone, then I remember and my heart sinks. The house is so terribly quiet and empty without her.  It has been quite an experience. Had no idea loosing an animal would be such a wrench. Thanks to so many of you who emailed, phoned or blogged.  I really appreciated all your messages.

Luigi phones all day, everyday! He has finally learnt to text! (yes, no kidding, that is true...) and one of his friends has Skype, so we have chatted on-line too - although he doesn't quite get where the camera is, so disappears frequently. Exasperating! Technology and Luigi don't exactly go hand in hand.  He is back next Friday. I am so pleased. Have really missed him and looking forward to spending a few quality days together before heading off to Camberwell (thats a euphemism for Kings for anyone reading this outside of London!).

This photo is from last weekend,  October 21st,  me and very dear friends on a trip to Hastings (almost 30 years ago we were a band - of sorts - ah, those were days). We crammed into my ancient Rav 4 and drove down the A21.  Ravilious country.  Amanda made egg sandwiches. They stank. We laughed a lot.  Hastings was wet and misty and brilliant.  Sat on the beach under the shelter of a blue painted fishing boat and made sound recordings of breaking waves and screeching gulls - stuff for me to take into my isolation room...

Greetings around the world - to cleveland ohio, hong-kong, sydney, roma, caribbean, south africa, the welsh valleys, norfolk, london and everywhere - much love to you all. Back soon. tch x