MY BLUE HIBISCUS...

...is in full bloom and looks great. So too agapanthus. Bees in seventh heaven! Just realised its been over two weeks since I updated blog. Sorry to those who check regularly. Recovery slow, but moving on. Still very shaky on my feet, so not managing to walk much: pad around the house, up and down the stairs and occasionally I do a length or two of the garden (which is small!). But basically I move from bed (upstairs) to chair (downstairs). Brace is heavy and uncomfortable, so can't sit for too long without back aching. I have an X-ray booked for 4th September to see how the healing process is going. I am hoping they may say brace can come off, though likely to have to wear it for another six weeks or so. I have managed to sort myself out some 'community physio' - so as of next week will get a physio visiting at home with a gentle exercise routine. Green wrist cast is off, replaced by a lighter skin coloured splint. Wrist still swollen and looks odd. X-ray next week to see how well it has healed. That's my bones update.

Down to weekly visits to HOP clinic. Hurrah! Last bloods all good. Haemoglobin now back to normal level. Neutrophils and white blood cell count dive bombed a couple of weeks ago, but have since recovered, albeit slowly. Least going in the right direction. Go in for blood test tomorrow, so hoping that results will be good. The constant up and down of results is psychologically exhausting. Roller coaster riding.  My lungs still causing problems - get very breathless at times, which limits my physical activity (unable to walk round the roundabout). Consultants seem to think I may have GVHD of the lung and are treating me as such. I still have a mountain of daily medications to take. Nausea rules. Often wake up feeling lousy, full of ache and general discomfort; other days feel much brighter. Get tired easily, often have long afternoon catnap. Appetite still poor, lost lots of weight and muscle tone. Jeans hang off my skinny legs and my bum has all but disappeared.

My studio no longer exists due to a fire that happened way back in February. The studio above mine caught fire (dodgy Christmas tree lights) and was completely burnt out. Luckily my studio wasn't fire damaged, but was badly water damaged. Lost a few pieces of work, but most materials and print equipment ok.  Ceiling caved in and covered everything in filthy dust, grime and muck. So my beautiful studio - already for me to restart with a creative recovery programme - has been pulled apart and packed away. The landlord will get it fixed up eventually but will probably sell all the units on as one big live/work space...way beyond my budget. Half the equipment and work is stored in my garage while the rest will go into a storage unit in forest hill next week. It is heartbreaking. I had worked so hard to get the studio set up. It was already to run small scale workshops, with bespoke workbenches, etching press, kitchen area, badge making area, a mezzanine floor housing a tiny print 'library', computer and printer, and a great music system (drowned by firemans hose). Now it's all in bits and pieces and packed away in different parts of forest hill.  I can't see it ever being restored. In fact I sometimes wonder if I will ever print make again. I don't feel an ounce of creative juice coursing through my veins. The very thought makes me exhausted! But perhaps I may start with some small scale lino cuts which I can hand print on the kitchen table. Back to basics...nothing wrong with basics.

That's my blog update for now. Have seen lots of friends over the past couple of weeks, which has been great, even though I have been sat like a trussed up chicken in my granny chair and probably not the most aimiable of hosts! Special thanks to Lu for cutting my toenails (can't reach them), sorry I squeaked so! Big hallo to everyone out there and thanks as ever for all messages which contine to fly in via text, email, blog and real live snail mail. Love hearing from you all. Keeps the days rolling by. Little by little and bit by bit. Off now to give myself stomach injection. Back soon. Ciao tutti. tch. XX

STILL AT HOME!

Two weeks now since I was discharged from Derek Mitchell Unit. Fantastic to be at home for such an extended period of time! I have only had three visits to the HOP clinic, which makes a difference to the three or four a week I was having to make back in May. That was exhausting. It seems at last that both the Red Cell Apalasya and the Auto Immune Haemolytic Anemia are under control. My haemoglobin count is holding and remaining steady - I have not had a transfusion now for about 5 weeks. That's the good news. Yesterday I was in HOP for a routine blood test and unfortunately my neutrophils and white cell blood counts are still falling, to the extent that I am now neutropenic again (goodbye salad and summer fruits). Not sure why they are dropping. I hope it is not a sign of anything sinister. I am still struggling with my cough and a bit of a cold, so hopefully this is the reason for the low neutrophil count. I go back to HOP this Friday for another blood test...

As for broken bones and back braces, well, I have mastered the art of getting the brace on and off quite quickly. With the aid of a 'grabber', sent to me by my sister, I can manage to put on jeans and underwear. - quite a feat - but putting anything over my head is virtually impossible, so have to do that with Luigi's help. I can walk slowly, although I still have pretty wobbly legs. I managed to get once round the roundabout on Sunday. It must have been quite a comic sight, tied up in my brace with me clutching onto Luigi's arm and moving at a snails pace. Bloody hard work though and the uphill bit (only a few yards) was really tough. Lots of puffing and panting. The stairs are a good work out for my leg and arm muscles. Thank goodness for the banisters. The cast hopefully comes off my wrist in two weeks, so having my left arm back in action should make things a bit easier. I have a special 'high backed recovery chair' to sit in which helps to keep my posture straight and gives my head support. I stare at the garden and the tv. The bees and butterflies are in abundance. The sun makes the yellow potentilla gleam. The evening light makes the geraniums almost fluorescent. The rain beats down too and cleans the dust off the passion flower leaves. Two baby wood-mice (must be off-spring from the original wood-mouse) scamper at incredible speed through the grass and round the flower pots. They sit at the bottom of the bird feeder feasting themselves on fallen grain.

Friends come by. Last week Amanda gave me another soothing reflexology. The effect knocked me for six, but helped clear my swollen ankles. Wendy spent a solid three hours in the garden, cutting, pruning, weeding and tying back. She did a brilliant job. Mel and Charlie moved loads of studio stuff from Havelock Walk up to my garage (I no longer have my Havelock Walk studio - a very sad state of affairs, more of which on next blog entry). Martyn came for supper. It has been great to have all this contact and start to get some kind of normal rhythm going again. But this week I will see no-one as I want to keep infection-free as possible.

Wish I could climb into my car and drive myself to the sea. I long to feel salt air on my face and listen to the breaking waves. To sit with my eyes closed, face turned to the sun and toes digging into damp sand. To watch kites dance and dive under a summer-blue sky. It's been two years since our camping holiday at East Prawle, pitched in a clover field full of rabbits. I am sure some Devon sea-air would do me the world of good. This time next year I intend to be packing the car with tent and cooking gear and heading south.

Thanks to all for messages, in whatever form they come. Brilliant as usual to hear from you (Tony P, I love your menus). And thanks too to all of you who still follow this blog regularly. I am amazed that so many people still keep up with my progress.  It's not been the easiest of journeys, but your support and encouragement has made it a whole lot easier. Fingers crossed now for neutrophils to go up...

Hope everyone well and relaxed as summer continues to shine. Back soon, tch xx