JINGLE BELLS

Hi All,

late late xmas eve blog update - to wish everyone who reads this a very happy christmas time. Full of santa goodies and sparkle. Hope a bit of calm is descending upon you after these last few weeks of mayhem…and hope christmas storms have not knocked out electricity etc. What a wild night it was last night.

Here is my christmas cheer: had a bone marrow biopsy done two weeks ago (exactly a year on from my transplant, 11th December 2012) and yesterday got the news that all is fine and bone marrow working and no sign of leukaemia!  This is the best christmas present I have ever had (even better than my Hornby train set circa 1962).  Had spent a very anxious two weeks waiting for the result convinced that everything had gone pear shaped. I could have kissed the consultant yesterday. Instead I shed a quiet festive tear;  then drove down to sainsburys to buy some crackers. When I think about this time last year, holed up in that tiny room, tied to a drip (with tinsel tangling off it) and staring out at a brick wall. It is so very special to still be here.  It feels so brilliant to be alive (and walking up the hill). Not been an easy year but I hope 2014 will be healthier all round.  Still another 12 months to go before my immune system in fully recovered and working normally - so more journeying ahead. Fingers crossed it will be easier than 2013.  Haemoglobin recovered and back to normal, steroids being reduced slowly. Platelets had been dropping for some unknown reason, but they too have turned a corner and on the up. Whoopeee.

My saddest holiday news is Luigi has gastric flu and holed up in Italy. So no festive pampering for me. Have not seen him since October. Ouch! that is a long time. Hope he recovers in time to get here for new year.  Celebrations go on nevertheless. Tonight Mel and the boys are coming round for risotto and rummikub. Candles and crackers all over a bright red table. My xmas tree has decided to lean precariously to the right, and I can't move it without risking half the stuff falling off plus a face full of pine needles. So lean it must.  Tomorrow I am joining Lulu and Julian and their extended family for turkey and trimmings plus more crackers. Then home to watch my new hd smart tv - which has an amazing sound system attached to it, courtesy of my brother Adrian. Sounds incredible. A new watching and listening experience!

Ok time to go cook. Hope everyone is well.  A huge thanks to you all for all your amazing support, blog-comments, texts, emails, snail mail, visits, phone calls etc over the year. You have all been a huge support to me which has really helped in my recovery and kept me going, especially through the tough times.  Love and christmas wishes right round the globe: cousins in Australia, nephews in Honk Kong and South Africa and New Zealand, friends in Italy, USA (snowy Cleveland) Letterkenny (big time windy I bet). And all those closer to home, Somerset, Sheffield, Norfolk, Oxford, Hythe, Harlow, Brighton, Whistable, Wales, and all North and South London contingents (the most fantastic bunch of friends).  To strangers too, who I know read this blog. And anyone else I may have missed out. In the words of Tiny Tim, "God bless us, everyone."

See you in the New Year.  tch xxx

     Whooshing into christmas

STILL NOVEMBER

Ciao Tutti!

Over a month since I sat down to write this blog.  Needs some updating. Cant remember too much what has happened during the first part of November. Things were going well. I was down to a visit every two weeks at the HOP clinic. Drove myself to hospital so saved a fortune on taxis.  My blue badge arrived so made parking a whizz.  Visited Tate Modern and parked right outside. What a treat! Regular shopping at Sainsbury's.  Managed to walk up to Horniman Gardens from the house. Great.  Planted daffodils for the spring and chopped back the last of the lavender. Garden all umbers, reds and yellows now; only fushia still flowering.  Has clambered everywhere and looks great, all twisted and tangled and full of red and purple bells (thin variety).  Birds busy on the feeder. Had a parakeet hanging off it the other day too. Local cats suddenly got wind of all my feathered friends and are starting to stroll round the garden too often. I am shooing them away. Am I turning into a mad woman I wonder?

So all was going fine and dandy. Bloods where stabilising and I was starting to feel a whole lot better. My steroids were being reduced, my tremors where getting less. My taste was coming back. My face was  thinning down. Then last week the hospital decided to give me an infusion of immunoglobulins (part of the immune system, immunoglobulins help to identify and neutralise bacteria and viruses). Apparently mine were very low - so it was a precautionary measure as we head into winter. It took two long visits to the HOP Clinic to infuse me with 7 bottles of the stuff.  The day after it had finished I woke at midnight with a screaming headache and high temperature. That went on all night. My brain was falling out. I felt so ill. The following morning I got an ambulance down to A&E at Kings and eventually ended up on a bed back at the HOP clinic. I was told my symptoms were a reaction to the transfusion, given paracetamol and antibiotics to fight off any infection that might be brewing.  A routine blood test also showed my haemoglobin had dropped quite a lot. I queried this with the doctor on duty, but was told it was normal.

Got home, swallowed all the pills. Didn't want to eat anything. Watched my temperature spike. Slept. Friday morning was feeling a bit better, so drove to pick up new glasses from Specsavers…stayed the rest of the day pretty much on the sofa. On Saturday my temperature was still a bit high. I looked yellow. My breathing had deteriorated. Walking up and down the stairs suddenly became very hard work and took ages. Sunday was even worse. Breathing more difficult, even harder climbing the stairs, dizzy and pale.  I read the side effects of the antibiotics I was being given and decided that they were possibly causing the problem. "can effect red blood cells, causing breathlessness, yellowing of eyes and skin, dizziness".  Eventually called Kings to ask if I could stop taking the antibiotics. The registrar wanted me to go into the hospital immediately. Not what I had bargained for. Was very reticent but figured it was better to be safe than sorry. So Mel took me in. A dark windy Sunday evening. What utter misery. Suddenly I was being pushed in a wheel chair down the long corridor of Davidson Ward and into Room 5. The memory of everything - blue uniformed nurses, smell, food, bleeping monitors etc, came flooding back in one big whoosh. This was so not what I ever wanted to experience again.  I held my breath and shut my eyes for the night. Though didn't get much sleep. It was a crazy few hours, full of blood tests, doctors calling into see me at 2am, calcium drips.

In the morning I was told I had a  haemoglobin level of 65 (baseline is 115) and therefore needed a lot of blood fast. Due to the continuing violent headaches it was also decided I needed a brain scan and possibly a lumbar puncture. Oh dear, it was all coming thick and fast.  Wheeled here and there. Shunted through CT scanners, more bloods taken (no hickman line anymore, so everything in and out of me goes via a needle and canular, bloody painful too). chest X-ray. The new blood eventually arrived at 6pm. 3 bags full. I was hooked up all night. The process didn't finish till 6am Tuesday morning. Blimey, was I exhausted!

Haemoglobin level went up to 100. Brain scan was ok. They decided not to do the lumbar puncture (hurrah!) headaches got better. I had colour in my cheeks and could walk again.  In the afternoon I was told by the consultant that I could go home as they had a chronic bed shortage and I was the 'wellest' person on the ward. I was not going to complain. What a relief. Back to Grassmount. I can stare at the winter trees outside of my kitchen window and make a cup of tea. Such simple necessities.

In the end it was thankfully a short sharp visit. But not without consequences.  They have had to up my steroid intake while the red blood cells start to get back into a healthy production line. So back come the tremors, fat face, loss of taste etc.  I am having to go back to HOP clinic everyday for blood work to check haemoglobin doesn't start to drop again. So far it is ok, but hasn't got above 109.  My whites and neutrophils, which had finally been at normal levels last week, have dropped dramatically. I am told this is due to increase in steroids.  Have no idea how much longer I will  have to remain on these wretched pills, but am pretty fed up with the whole situation, especially as I was almost off them (after 6 months).

Not sure in the end what caused all the problem. I think it was a mixture of a rather cavalier doctor decreasing my steroid intake too quickly the week before the infusion. Despite my blood work showing a lowering of haemoglobin reading, this was not picked up, so my haemoglobin count had already started to fall before the infusion of immunoglobulins took place. Plus I had a double whammy of bad reaction to infusion and antibiotics. Everything all happening within 48 hours. The perfect storm.

I have just reread this and its all a bit confusing and long winded.  So congratulations if you have managed to get yourself through it all!  I need to go and make myself an omelette. I look forward to Luigi returning, he has been gone an age, and I have missed him big time over this last week. Its hard doing this alone. Though I have had great support from my family, Mel, Pip, Lulu and Julian. You are all stars. Thanks guys.

Lovely soft low November light shining outside. My neighbours holly bush is full of berries. The Robin is hopping around the empty hosta pot pulling at delicious bugs. The squirrel stole the coconut that I took ages to string and hang...

Hope everyone well. The annual madness is already upon us.  Keep calm. Thanks for messages that still keep coming through. Stay warm, or cool if you are southern hemisphere. Back soon. tch xx

OCTOBER SUNSHINE

Ciao tutti!

Blimey, it's been over three weeks since I last updated this blog. Time is all of a wizz and days are spinning by. Can't believe it is almost November. Clocks go back on Sunday. Today is stunningly blue. There is a three quarters moon sitting clear in the sky. The wild winds have stopped and the trees are taking a much needed breather from all their swaying. Plenty of leaves gone.

Since I last wrote things have been pretty good. I have visited HOP Clinic once a week for blood tests. Results for whites and neutrophils have been slowly improving which has cheered me greatly. Though neither have made it up to normal yet. Haemoglobin and platletes are holding fast and steady, bang in the middle of where they should be. That's very good news. At last they have begun to reduce some of my medication. Steroids first. Once I am off those they will start to reduce the immune suppressents. It's a slow process but hopefully my body will respond favorably. I am mightily tired of swallowing pills night and day. I am also fed up of having a monkey-moon face (fat and hairy).  Looking forward to riding myself of all miserable side effects...

My strength is returning bit by bit. I can now walk up the stairs properly and some days even manage without having to use the banisters. I am still troubled by tremors though - feel a bit like a wibbly jelly constantly shivering on a plate, which is exhausting. Best news is that I have started to drive again! I am thrilled at this development. My world has started to expand. Walking round the roundabout is almost a thing of the past. Took myself down to Dulwich Park the other day. Me and my trusty stick kicking through the autumn leaves (tottering would be a more accurate description). Drive to sainsburys, the GP, even the hospital (which saves a fortune on taxis). Life is beginning to take on the shape of normality. This does a lot of good for my head too.

Last week I went with Luisa and Jan to the 'Multiplied' exhibition in South Kensington. This was my first major trip out for almost a year. Just driving through London streets was a treat. Crossing the Thames. Battersea Power Station. Kings Road. Everywhere alive with people. Everything just as it always was. What a buzz!  It's so easy to forget. I have been so confined to a world of corridors, harsh light, needles, pumps, wheelchairs. Everyone I know dealing with their disease. Sickness, exhaustion, limp bodies. Consultants, doctors, nurses. Appointments, waiting rooms and plastic tea machines. The joy of stepping away from this world and starting to taste life as it used to be, is just so damn good.  I am so happy to be here again.  

Yesterday Pip drove me to the Serpentine to see an exhibition by Adrián Villar Rojas, 'Today we Reboot the Planet'. Worth a visit.  Another wonderful afternoon out too. Perfect weather. We stood on the bridge in Hyde Park and looked across the lake to the vast selection of trees, all splendid in their autumn colours. I was suddenly hit with the notion of what a handsome park it is, right slap bang int the middle of London.  I had a thought of kings and queens of centuries passed riding through burnished autumns, just like this one. Time is a funny old thing. Keeps on ticking. How fragile and fleeting life is. Yet how fantastically solid and reassuring the rhythm of nature.

And almost out of the blue, Luigi turned up a couple of weeks ago! He was here for six days. That was an unexpected treat. He cooked me saffron risotto, roast chicken and spicy sausage pasta (not all at once). I was hoping we could have gone to the Australian exhibition but got knocked sideways with a nasty asthma attack which kept us at home. He got busy in the garden instead. Not much colour left now - a few sad stalks of late lavender and the occasional passion flower. The fuscia is still blooming though. Hosta leaves have turned banana yellow and geraniums have got all damp, brown and floppy. The grass needs to be cut. I have a list of 'things to do'.

Hope everyone good. Sorry it's been such a long time between updates. Thanks as usual for all messages, emails, texts etc. I wish I could hold a big party and invite everyone. Will write again soon, meantime, love and greetings north south east and west. And Australian cousins, hope you are all safe. Back soon. tch xx

MOVING ON UP

Ciao tutti!

Another big gap between blog updates. Days are speeding by. Being brace free is fantastic. Walking around the house, up the stairs and round the roundabout is a breeze. I am still struggling with weak muscle tone and bad shakes (medication) which hampers my mobility somewhat, so use my trekking stick to keep me steady and upright.  Back can ache big time if I do too much especially bending (emptying the washing machine), so often flopping flat on sofa to let the ache pass. Get a weekly visit from the physiotherapist, who gives me a range of exercises to do. Have to admit to not being very self disciplined in regards to these. I am sure my muscle tone would improve quicker if I did exercises everyday! Wrist is slowly improving too, though still quite swollen. Unfortunately the tendon in my thumb has snapped - apparently it can happen after a broken wrist - so I have a floppy left thumb that can't do much. It will require an operation at some point in the future to fix. They will take tendon from my index finger and attach to thumb tendon somehow. All sounds a bit gruesome and squirmish. I will be in another green cast for a further month and then physio to get thumb working again. It never rains  but it pours. I really would like all this medical intervention to stop very soon!  

My Hickman line was taken out a couple of weeks ago. A long and painful procedure as it had been in for over 9 months so was well bedded into my chest. After an hour of prodding, poking and cutting the doctor called for a vascular surgeon. There was talk they might have to send me into theatre. Blimey. However, vascular surgeon knew her stuff. A bit more cutting and some very strong tugging and finally the line succumbed. All out. Bloody and slippery. Alien leaving my chest. 5 stitches. Swollen, bruised and sore. But now, two weeks later, there is just a neat 2 inch vertical line. I am littered with scars from Hickman lines, pic lines and bone marrow biopsies.

My bloody neutrophils are still playing up. Dropping very low last week to 0.77, which makes me neutropenic again, so having to be careful with what I eat. I go into my usual spiral of panic, and hospital respond with their usual 'don't panic, it's fine' routine. I hope they are right. They say the low count may be due to medications. At least my haemoglobin and platelets are normal and holding steady. I have a clinic visit tomorrow and another blood test. So praying to everything and everybody that the counts will have gone up. Any lower and they will probably do a bone marrow test to see what is going on. Not what I want. I don't want anything to be going on. Except for getting better.  Waiting to see specialists for my eyes (which have been playing up for months) and my mouth (have lost all sense of taste). Oh, it's a long, long process this recovery.

Last week, lewisham delivered my 'bath chair'. Brilliant. Now I can have a bath and a hair wash. The bliss of sinking myself into hot water after three months of standing at a sink! Chair goes up and down with a battery operated system. Easy to heave myself out of, so climbing in and out of the bath is now possible. 

I have been managing ok without Luigi. Better than I imagined.  Life has been very social - lots of friends and family have been visiting, which has been great. Lulu took me down to sainsburys, dressed in face mask and clutching trekking stick. Looked very odd and got various sideways glances as I pushed trolley down the aisles. Forgotten half the things that sainsbury's stock, so it was great to fill up with treats and broaden my menu somewhat! Walking daily round the roundabout, managed 5 times the other day. Doing some very light gardening too. Wendy bought me orange violas, so I have a bit more colour to add to the fading shades of summer. Still butterflies and bees visiting.

I am planning, at some point, to get up to the Royal Academy to see the Australia exhibition. I hope it will inspire me. Still not managed to do anything creative. Severely lacking motivation. Every time in go into the garage I see half my studio piled high. It is overwhelming. I guess at some point something will click and I will start to feel hungry to make again. 

Bath time for me! Hope everyone well and enjoying the season of 'mists and mellow fruitfulness'. Thanks as ever for all messages. Great to still be hearing from you. Back soon, meantime love to everyone at all compass points.  tch xx

BRACE IS OFF!

Ciao Tutti,

Got a phone call from Kings this afternoon to say that I can take my brace off...oh what a relief! It feels amazingly light wandering round the house with just a t.shirt on and no metal bars strapped across my chest or thick velcro wrapped round my waist. 9 weeks to heal which is pretty good as they had originally said twelve. Back feels stiff and it is odd bending down - keep imagining my spine will snap in two. But soon I can have a bath and a hair wash - joy. I have already done some gentle dead heading in the garden..Lots of physio now to strengthen up my back and wrist. No more climbing on sofas, chairs or tables and I hope that's the last of my bone problems.

The CT scan of my lungs showed two small patches which the consultants reckon is residue infection, but nothing more sinister. The last week or so has seen a big improvement in my breathing and I am coughing a lot less- don't sound like a foul hacking smoker anymore. 

My steroids have been reduced, which will hopefully reduce the tremors that I have been afflicted with for the past couple of months. However less steroids runs the risk of a low haemoglobin count and reactivating the Haemolytic Anemia, which will mean more blood transfusions. So it's a matter of balancing everything out. Blood test last Friday did show a drop in my haemoglobin, so things having to be monitored carefully. White blood count and neutrophils still low, but moving, at a snails pace, in the right direction. Also they have reduced my immuno suppressant drugs, so hopefully less headaches and nausea.  Fingers crossed my body can handle all the changes. It feels like I am taking some positive steps forward after spending the whole summer treading water.

Last week have been sitting in the garden getting the last of the summer sunshine. I forgot what it feels like to feel warm sun on my skin. How it lifted my spirits. Also managed to do some circuits of the roundabout. Mel and Lisa came for tea on Saturday and we did a mammoth 3 times round! Then on Sunday went up to the Horniman museum and had a slow walk round the gardens. First time I have been up there for almost a year. The place looks like a child's paint box, bursting with dahlias of every colour. The vegetable garden full of  interesting stuff: cranberries, peanuts, enormous waxy yellow corgettes or perhaps they were pumpkins...either way, too heavy to lift off the ground.  Iconic London skyline gleaming under september sun and a backdrop of skidding clouds. It was great to get out of the house and move around another space.

Today Luigi has gone back. Very sad for me. He has been brilliant, as usual. My rock. Will miss him hugely. There is always such a big hole when he leaves. A silent space that is difficult to fill. There used to be Lilly who would take the edge off the loneliness. But now it feels like I am starting over. Oh dear! Feeling sorry for myself. However, got a lot of friends coming round, which I am looking forward to. And I need to start to try and put some kind of structure into my life, organize some simple work things. Was spoilt by Luigi, who did everything, so it will be good to regain some independence and easier to do now that my brace is gone.

Summer shadows disappearing. Autumn creeping up. That dank smell in the air.  Foggy mornings. Rain arriving. Evenings gathering in quickly. Blimey, how time flies...

Hope everyone is well. Thanks for all messages, love to get them and hear how you all are. Also thanks for messages from 'unknown' friends who follow the blog. I guess it's 'back to school' for lots of people, or at least a version of that. So hope summer was a memorable one. Maybe we still got sun to have. I predict a glowing late September and warm October. That will be good. Greetings to both hemispheres. Whether your upside down or right way up, sending lots of love. Back soon. tch xxx

MY BLUE HIBISCUS...

...is in full bloom and looks great. So too agapanthus. Bees in seventh heaven! Just realised its been over two weeks since I updated blog. Sorry to those who check regularly. Recovery slow, but moving on. Still very shaky on my feet, so not managing to walk much: pad around the house, up and down the stairs and occasionally I do a length or two of the garden (which is small!). But basically I move from bed (upstairs) to chair (downstairs). Brace is heavy and uncomfortable, so can't sit for too long without back aching. I have an X-ray booked for 4th September to see how the healing process is going. I am hoping they may say brace can come off, though likely to have to wear it for another six weeks or so. I have managed to sort myself out some 'community physio' - so as of next week will get a physio visiting at home with a gentle exercise routine. Green wrist cast is off, replaced by a lighter skin coloured splint. Wrist still swollen and looks odd. X-ray next week to see how well it has healed. That's my bones update.

Down to weekly visits to HOP clinic. Hurrah! Last bloods all good. Haemoglobin now back to normal level. Neutrophils and white blood cell count dive bombed a couple of weeks ago, but have since recovered, albeit slowly. Least going in the right direction. Go in for blood test tomorrow, so hoping that results will be good. The constant up and down of results is psychologically exhausting. Roller coaster riding.  My lungs still causing problems - get very breathless at times, which limits my physical activity (unable to walk round the roundabout). Consultants seem to think I may have GVHD of the lung and are treating me as such. I still have a mountain of daily medications to take. Nausea rules. Often wake up feeling lousy, full of ache and general discomfort; other days feel much brighter. Get tired easily, often have long afternoon catnap. Appetite still poor, lost lots of weight and muscle tone. Jeans hang off my skinny legs and my bum has all but disappeared.

My studio no longer exists due to a fire that happened way back in February. The studio above mine caught fire (dodgy Christmas tree lights) and was completely burnt out. Luckily my studio wasn't fire damaged, but was badly water damaged. Lost a few pieces of work, but most materials and print equipment ok.  Ceiling caved in and covered everything in filthy dust, grime and muck. So my beautiful studio - already for me to restart with a creative recovery programme - has been pulled apart and packed away. The landlord will get it fixed up eventually but will probably sell all the units on as one big live/work space...way beyond my budget. Half the equipment and work is stored in my garage while the rest will go into a storage unit in forest hill next week. It is heartbreaking. I had worked so hard to get the studio set up. It was already to run small scale workshops, with bespoke workbenches, etching press, kitchen area, badge making area, a mezzanine floor housing a tiny print 'library', computer and printer, and a great music system (drowned by firemans hose). Now it's all in bits and pieces and packed away in different parts of forest hill.  I can't see it ever being restored. In fact I sometimes wonder if I will ever print make again. I don't feel an ounce of creative juice coursing through my veins. The very thought makes me exhausted! But perhaps I may start with some small scale lino cuts which I can hand print on the kitchen table. Back to basics...nothing wrong with basics.

That's my blog update for now. Have seen lots of friends over the past couple of weeks, which has been great, even though I have been sat like a trussed up chicken in my granny chair and probably not the most aimiable of hosts! Special thanks to Lu for cutting my toenails (can't reach them), sorry I squeaked so! Big hallo to everyone out there and thanks as ever for all messages which contine to fly in via text, email, blog and real live snail mail. Love hearing from you all. Keeps the days rolling by. Little by little and bit by bit. Off now to give myself stomach injection. Back soon. Ciao tutti. tch. XX

STILL AT HOME!

Two weeks now since I was discharged from Derek Mitchell Unit. Fantastic to be at home for such an extended period of time! I have only had three visits to the HOP clinic, which makes a difference to the three or four a week I was having to make back in May. That was exhausting. It seems at last that both the Red Cell Apalasya and the Auto Immune Haemolytic Anemia are under control. My haemoglobin count is holding and remaining steady - I have not had a transfusion now for about 5 weeks. That's the good news. Yesterday I was in HOP for a routine blood test and unfortunately my neutrophils and white cell blood counts are still falling, to the extent that I am now neutropenic again (goodbye salad and summer fruits). Not sure why they are dropping. I hope it is not a sign of anything sinister. I am still struggling with my cough and a bit of a cold, so hopefully this is the reason for the low neutrophil count. I go back to HOP this Friday for another blood test...

As for broken bones and back braces, well, I have mastered the art of getting the brace on and off quite quickly. With the aid of a 'grabber', sent to me by my sister, I can manage to put on jeans and underwear. - quite a feat - but putting anything over my head is virtually impossible, so have to do that with Luigi's help. I can walk slowly, although I still have pretty wobbly legs. I managed to get once round the roundabout on Sunday. It must have been quite a comic sight, tied up in my brace with me clutching onto Luigi's arm and moving at a snails pace. Bloody hard work though and the uphill bit (only a few yards) was really tough. Lots of puffing and panting. The stairs are a good work out for my leg and arm muscles. Thank goodness for the banisters. The cast hopefully comes off my wrist in two weeks, so having my left arm back in action should make things a bit easier. I have a special 'high backed recovery chair' to sit in which helps to keep my posture straight and gives my head support. I stare at the garden and the tv. The bees and butterflies are in abundance. The sun makes the yellow potentilla gleam. The evening light makes the geraniums almost fluorescent. The rain beats down too and cleans the dust off the passion flower leaves. Two baby wood-mice (must be off-spring from the original wood-mouse) scamper at incredible speed through the grass and round the flower pots. They sit at the bottom of the bird feeder feasting themselves on fallen grain.

Friends come by. Last week Amanda gave me another soothing reflexology. The effect knocked me for six, but helped clear my swollen ankles. Wendy spent a solid three hours in the garden, cutting, pruning, weeding and tying back. She did a brilliant job. Mel and Charlie moved loads of studio stuff from Havelock Walk up to my garage (I no longer have my Havelock Walk studio - a very sad state of affairs, more of which on next blog entry). Martyn came for supper. It has been great to have all this contact and start to get some kind of normal rhythm going again. But this week I will see no-one as I want to keep infection-free as possible.

Wish I could climb into my car and drive myself to the sea. I long to feel salt air on my face and listen to the breaking waves. To sit with my eyes closed, face turned to the sun and toes digging into damp sand. To watch kites dance and dive under a summer-blue sky. It's been two years since our camping holiday at East Prawle, pitched in a clover field full of rabbits. I am sure some Devon sea-air would do me the world of good. This time next year I intend to be packing the car with tent and cooking gear and heading south.

Thanks to all for messages, in whatever form they come. Brilliant as usual to hear from you (Tony P, I love your menus). And thanks too to all of you who still follow this blog regularly. I am amazed that so many people still keep up with my progress.  It's not been the easiest of journeys, but your support and encouragement has made it a whole lot easier. Fingers crossed now for neutrophils to go up...

Hope everyone well and relaxed as summer continues to shine. Back soon, tch xx